compatibility switches

"Feeling Good" by Muse

      I have to say that things have atleast been pretty good lately, besides the past few days when I have just been wanting to eat everything and anything I shouldn't and eat when I'm not hungry (most likely, in simple terms, it's because I'm a girl!). I haven't gone walking as much I'd like due to the unbearable heat outside, but have managed to maintain my weight pretty well. I have cut my bread intake and am making sure I am drinking plenty of good ol' H2O. Cutting my bread intake seems to have helped alot, since I'm not supposed to eat too many carbs, but I need to find some sources of some good carbohydrates, which will most likely be found in fruits and vegetables, which I am in dire need increasing my intake of.
     I have been wasting alot of time lately, for sure, but trying to contemplate ways to use my time wisely. I need to keep myself busy and stay on top of things, or I'll go back to freak-out mode, which is a mode I'm trying to disable from my compatibility switches. It makes me feel better if I atleast keep part of my room clean. I have alot of things to go through still, but most of my floor has been vaccuumed recently, I try to make my bed most days, I try to dust a little bit every once in a while, and I've lined up my shoes. Some of the stress-relieving may come from the room being clean, but I feel most of my stress-relieving comes from the doing of. To be productive and able to work on some hands-on project makes me feel like I'm atleast getting something done!
     Anyways, yesterday, I picked up "What We Saw From the Cheap Seats" by Regina Spektor for $7.99 at Target! Great Album! Listen to it! I will be listening to it for days on end!

-hrd.

beyond numbers and science alone.

       Some Sundays ago, I wanted to end it. I wanted to give up more than ever. I felt that I would feel okay just to end it right there, as I lay on the cream-colored carpet in my bedroom. I wanted to be a child again as I looked up and out of the window at the skies and trees; invoking and provoking my past. After some tears, I realized I needed to find someone to share my struggles with. I needed to tell someone; some person. While I still haven't shared, I have persevered once again; for once and forever.
       A few days ago, I was practicing driving in a school parking lot. I saw this lady speed walking around the grounds and I realized I'd seen her there before exercising. As I veered my vehicle past her, I noticed that she was way too skinny. It made me get distracted from my task. She had a weight problem like me, only in a different form. I wanted to know what had lead her to be that thin. Had she looked upon too many airbrushed magazine photos? Did someone call her "ugly" or "fat"? Did no one ever tell her she's beautiful just because? Or did she not even realize herself that she was underweight?
      I feel that there's a reason for the weight problem. It's beyond numbers and science alone. I think people can subconsciously not recognize that if you are battling a weight problem or image issue, there are many other underlying issues and problems associated with it, perhaps even stemming the pandemonium inside the heart, brain, mind, body, and soul. And ultimately, if you are battling a war with and inside yourself, you may forget that you aren't alone in the fight.

Oh, remember...
you are not alone in this.


-hrd.