loved: to help them with the healing

     After a long, much needed escapade weekend in Wisconsin, filled with eating endeavors that included Kopps frozen custard, ice cream, burgers, and also unidentified snacking, I managed to come home without gaining a single pound. I felt victorious today as I stepped off the scale. I think what helped was that I still made sure to drink plenty of water, and I even got some exercise while out of town. A family member of mine took me to the gym where she works out. I was able to use the elliptical for an hour, something I've missed dearly since my family's gym membership back home was terminated. I love how my body feels when I get done working out on the elliptical. My legs turn to gelatin. My muscles and joints brace themselves for possible soreness. And I feel good. Yes, I feel good about it all, even with the strange strands of sweat appearing (I don't like sweating).
 
     So I've realized it can take me awhile to warm-up to people sometimes, even when those people have been a part of my life forever. I do need a good dosage of "Hannah-quiet-corner-time" each day, but too much is too much, and has resulted in my lack of social ability thereof. Spending too much time by myself has done something to my brain, I swear! I forget how to be social. Pshhh, but to cut to the chase, I spent alot of time this weekend with my own brain, as I do often. Even when I was with other people, I was being kind of selfish in a way, and worrying too much about myself like I tend to do sometimes, when I should have been more concerned with others and what I can do to help them.
   
   I guess that's why I continue with music. It's the best way I know how to help. I can help myself at the same time. It's great. It's epic. It's beautiful! But when you are constantly writing songs, they get old. I really think it would mean more to someone if I used my lips for once to talk to them and tell them personally how great they are. I let the songs do this job too often.

   I saw another lady over the weekend. She was too tan, too thin, too muscular. She was shockingly skinny. It was a sad sight. I walked down to the edge of Lake Michigan with family. We saw her. We all saw her. When I see people who are super skinny, I throw myself over the edge (not literally.) Sometimes I just get mad at myself because I take everything for granted and think so lowly of myself. I find I have been wasting my time sulking over myself, when I should be helping others. I wish I could help that dear person. I wish I could let her know that her well-being is important to me, even though I don't even know her.

   I've had this thing, for awhile, where sometimes I just hurt. I hurt inside when I see someone in pain, and I beam inside when I see them happy. It happens even with random people I see on the street. It's just so close to my nature to begin to share the same feelings as those around me, because I found I just care about people. But the funny thing is...sometimes I don't care about myself.

These feelings are so strange at times, yet so familiar because they're just part of my nature. I know I need to do more for others. So many people are hurting. I'm sure they would appreciate someone to help them with the healing; help them know that they are cared for; that they are indeed, loved.

whoever you are,
you are loved,
even though you may not always see it.
your life is worth living.
happiness is worth a journey.
there's flowers waiting to greet you
young beauty, you're quite deserving!
do you not have eyes?

-hrd.